My marriage was horribly abusive. Make no mistake that this book has triggered a lot of emotions for me: from reliving my abuse to doing anything possible to fight for your child, this book speaks volumes to my heart. Yet, those are not the parts I want to blog about. I want to talk about the part that tickles me: Dr. Flint, big old bully that he is, is afraid of Aunt Martha (27). I cannot tell you how much I love this part. It is completely true: bullies are scaredy-cats deep down. And in my opinion, this gives Aunt Martha so much power.
I recently learned this lesson. Last summer, I thought someone was breaking into my flat. I have a chain on my door in addition to a door lock and a dead bolt (old habits die hard). I woke up one morning and saw a pair of gloved hands on the inside of my door, working their way up to my chain at the top of my door. At the time, I was enrolled in "Body and Blade Swordsman Theatre Stage Combat" class, so I had lots of testosterone. I prepared to break fingers by slamming my door; I peeped through the door at my soon-to-be victim and grabbed my door, bracing myself for the impact. It wasn't a burglar: it was a cop. A cop and five other cops, EMTs, etc standing on the very small landing outside of my flat. And beyond them, my mother crying hysterically. Apparently she thought I was dead. Oh, mom. Anyway, the point is that I, once a victim of abuse now knew I had power. And I walked around a little taller that day.
However, Shelby, my daughter, had a different story to tell. One night, she was sleeping at her grandmother's. Shelby woke up in the middle of the night and went to get in bed with her father (my abuser) after a bad dream. He woke as she was trying to get into his bed. Shelby said his eyes got really big and he pushed himself into a ball in the far corner of his bed, screaming like a girl the whole time. Of course, Shelby thought this hysterical while telling me, and as an innocent child will, only saw the silliness of daddy screaming like a girl. I saw something more: bullies ARE cowards, and he is no different than Dr. Flint.
Also, there is a distinct difference in the victim and the abuser. In my case, I was once the victim but will never be again. Shelby's father was the abuser, and while he's no longer my abuser, I am certain he still is an abuser. Having been once the victim, I learned how to fight: I learned how to fight for my safety, for my freedom from him, for my peace of mind, and most importantly for my daughter. These are things my abuser will never learn.
Therefore, I submit that throughout the rest of this book, Linda will continue to fight, even when she seems docile she is still fighting: for her safety, for her freedom, for her piece of mind, and most importantly for her children. But her abusers will always remain her abusers and will never change. However, I would LOVE to see them curl up in a ball and scream like little girls; I hope to heaven we see that before the book is over.
Jeannie, first off thank you for sharing, truly.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I believe you are correct. Fighting does not always have to be action packed. Fighting is a state of mind. Not doing something can be just as effective as physically doing something. Linda masters both approaches. She refuses Dr. Flint emotionally and sexually. It's a two prong act and Linda is winning and ultimately wins over Dr. Flint and his manipulating ways. Unfortanately, not all victims can identify their abuser and teir tactics until it is too late.
Thank you for sharing that! I agree with you whole-heartedly AND I believe that Jacobs had to publish her novel on her own in order not to be a silent victim of the establishment. It was so important that Jacobs book was published as a stand alone novel. It was important for her, for all African-Americans, and for Childs. Jacobs most likely inspired more people, just like you, because her story was told first hand!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jeannie!
(p.p)